Monday, February 12, 2018

Why Do I Judge Myself So Harshly?

Last night, I had a date with a guy who would like to be referred to as G. We were supposed to go to a bar but said bar happened to be closed that night. So, G asked if I would like to just come to his house instead. I thought about it for a while to make sure that's what I really wanted to do. After some talking with Husband, I decided that it would be fine.

When I got to G's house, we got some drinks and then sat on the couch to talk for a while. We got to know each other a bit and then he moved closer to me on the couch. Next thing I knew, we were making out. G asked if I wanted to go to the bedroom. I was concerned about that because I'm not the best at saying no to sex and I knew that I didn't want to have sex that soon. I thought about it for a while and then decided to go to the bedroom with him. Again, I really suck at saying no.

When we got to the bedroom, he put on some music and then we laid down on the bed and started to make out again. I thought we were going to keep our clothes on but eventually our shirts and my bra came off. There was lots of kissing, biting, caressing, and exploring with our mouths.

I made it a point to not take off my pants because I knew that if I did, there was a 100% chance we were going to fuck. I know myself well enough to feel confident about that. I felt like a tease, which is something I never want to be. But I just didn't expect things to move so quickly. I mean, don't get me wrong. It was hot as fuck and I was definitely very turned on. I loved the way he touched my body and he is a really great kisser. I wanted him. Badly. I just didn't want to do it so soon. I felt like a nervous teenager filled with raging hormones. It was so hard to say no.

So, the question I'm sure you're asking is, "Why was it such a big deal to fuck if you both wanted it?" I'm asking myself the same thing. I definitely judge myself harshly for my sexual appetite. For some reason I feel awful about myself if I have sex on a first date. I guess it's the stupid shit that society has forced into my head. Why should it matter if I fuck someone I just met? As long as it's safe and consensual, it shouldn't matter. I don't judge anyone else for doing the same thing. It's interesting that I have a different set of standards for myself than for others. Obviously that's a hangup that I have to work on.

After fooling around for a couple hours, it was time for me to leave. I felt awkward as hell and hoped that I didn't come off as a lame tease. I did have a really great time with G and I'm looking forward to the next time that we get to hang out.

When I got home, I was super wound up and my clit was screaming at me. Husband and I went to the bedroom and talked about how my night went. Then, he moved down to my thighs and started to lick and kiss them. He continued down my legs and to my feet. He licked my feet and sucked on my toes, which was the first time that has ever happened to me. It felt pretty damn amazing. I didn't know I would be into that and I felt a little self conscious about it, but it is definitely a thing I enjoy.

Husband continued to lick and kiss up my other leg, to my thigh, and then to my pussy. He licked and sucked my clit as he fucked me with his fingers. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed him and said, "I need you inside me now!" He climbed on top of me and rubbed his cock on my clit, teasing me. I whined and begged him to fuck me. I was so wet and his cock felt really good on my clit but I needed to be fucked. He would shove his cock inside me and then take it out again and rub my clit with it. Over and over. It was driving me crazy! Finally, he shoved his cock inside me and started fucking me hard. I moaned out, "Fuck, your cock feels so good inside me." He fucked me harder and then started to choke me. I rubbed my clit and it wasn't long before I was cumming all over his cock.

He continued to fuck me as I licked and kissed his neck. Then, he said, "I want to fill all of your holes. My cock in your ass, the strap-on in your pussy, and a dildo in your mouth. Then, I want to fuck you until you cum and moan around the cock in your mouth." That made me feel so slutty and I loved it. So, we paused to get all of that ready.

I laid on my back and Husband started licking my clit again. He told me to start sucking on the dildo as he did that. After a few minutes, I told him I was ready. I grabbed a vibrator and put it on my clit as he lubed up his cock. He slid his cock into my ass and the strap-on inside my pussy. I felt so full. My whole body tingled. I almost came right away, so I pulled the vibrator away to stop myself. He then told me to start sucking on the dildo again. I imagined that it was a real cock and passionately sucked it, shoving it deep into my throat. I put the vibrator on my clit again and Husband started to fuck me harder, faster. I felt my whole body tense up and then I came so hard. I moaned around the cock and imagined that it was cumming in my mouth. Husband came at the same time, filling my ass with his hot load. Fuck, that was hot.

We cleaned up and then laid in bed cuddling and talking about things for a while. Then, we decided to fuck one more time before we went to sleep. This time, I took him from behind. I stuck my ass in the air and he fucked my pussy so hard. I put the vibrator on my clit and came around his cock. He continued to fuck me and I had a G-spot orgasm. Mmmm. Then, he pushed me down on the bed and laid on top of me and fucked me in that position for a while.

I can definitely feel it today. I'm quite sore but it hurts so good. Last night was pretty fucking amazing. I'm a happy girl today.

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